dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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