the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
