The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
