look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
