he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
this hospital has no fireball
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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