I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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