if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
