a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
