but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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