Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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