I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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