Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
