I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
