the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
