we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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