I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
