why didn't you poke me back
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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