Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
