shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
