Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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