I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
