She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
