Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
