just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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