We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
