is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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