Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
