Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
