I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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