I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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