I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
