so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
