i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
