a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
