so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
