I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
