I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
