look no pants
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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