I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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