yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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