What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
