All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
