i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
