She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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