ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
