I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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