Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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