Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
