i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
