watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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