U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
