actually, I'm a sock model
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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