After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
