corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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